All of us aspire to consciously, at least, achieve success and to be all that we can be. This includes areas such as personal relationships, and job satisfaction. Most of us have, however, experienced times when we feel that in spite of our conscious vision our behavior is such that we defeat of sabotage ourselves.
This pattern of self defeating behavior has its’ origin in deep complex unconscious dynamics. Some of our unconscious wishes and fears keep us from getting what we want. They contradict our conscious desires and because of the nature and strength of the unconscious , it prevails. In order to find our more about whether or not your are a self- defeating personality, review the check list below and see if these characteristics relate to you.
Do you choose people or situations that lead to disappointment, failure of mistreatment even when you have better options available and are aware of them? A person who claims to want marriage and a family yet continually gets involved with unavailable or makes poor relationship choices is a good example of the Self Defeating Personality.
Are you the type of person who makes excessive self sacrifices which you do inspire of people’s requests that they do not need what your are offering? Are you the sacrificing devoted parent who smothers and overwhelms your offspring to the point where it can no longer be tolerated? These are also two prime examples of mistuned and self defeating behavior .
Do you reject opportunities that my be rewarding in lieu of situations which are more high risk and have a great possibility of potential rejection? A person who seeks the thrill rather than the connection may fit this particular profile.
When you gain recognition, either through an advancement at work or socially, do you find that you are often in an accident or some type of crisis situation shortly thereafter?
In other words do you bring about the pain and crisis in your life?
Fortunately, patterns of self-defeat are containable. That is, once a person can identify the patter, can learn the unconscious meaning of the patter and learn what it is about success, achievement and satisfaction that is anxiety producing and so uncomfortable, self defeating behaviors can be minimized.
One of the goals of psychotherapy is to help people develop a sense of an observing self/ego so that they can better understand through the learnings how to control and modulate behaviors which are self destructive. Once this is accomplished a person often experiences a strong release of psychic energy which allows them to become more productive and successful at the tasks of their lives.