Relationship Realities by Herb Tannenbaum, Ph.D.

Psychologists understand the importance of attachment as a pivotal aspect of child development and a universal need throughout life. Imago Relationship Therapy founded and developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. postulates that we are born in relationship, wounded in relationship and the venue in which we can be healed is in relationship. 

The fact that adult love relationships are so powerful in stirring up both positive and negative relationships underscores that there is no more powerful transference triggers than our partners. Why is this? Imago Relationship Therapy states that our psyche’s yearn for healing and wholeness and the unconscious has the wisdom to choose a partner who has the composite of the positive and negative traits of our primary care takers. In romantic love, we are attracted and excited about the positive traits we see in our romantic partner that remind us of things that we liked or promoted feelings of safety and aliveness. According, to Imago, romantic love is nature’s anesthesia to allow us to connect to a person with whom we will re-experience the frustrations, hurts and disappointment of our relationships with our primary caretakers. The purpose of re-experiencing these archaic hurts is not to be re-wounded but for repair. In Imago Relationship Therapy, once a couple commit to creating safety , they are provided with tools to navigate the core scenes that the trigger the pain in ways the promote safety and healing.

Imago Relationship Therapy helps couples to navigate the journey from romantic love, and the power struggle and reach a third level of relationship – THE CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP!

In a conscious relationship partners accept the challenges and difficulties of relationship and begin to use tools that help promote safety, attuned connection and repair. The repair allows partners to heal and re-claim lost and denied parts of themselves leading to an experience of fuller aliveness in the journey of life.

by: Herb Tannenbaum, Ph.D. for more information go to or follow me on twitter herbtannenbaumphd.









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